Accidentally in Love
by deppfan105
Summary: Sometimes you have to lose what you have before you realize just how much it means to you. [Long LJ one shot! RR]


A/N: hey guys! Ok so this is just a really long one shot that I felt like writing. It hits pretty close to home, so I guess that it means a lot to me. Most of the things that happen are modified events that have happened in my life, so a lot of it is true. Originally, I was going to have song lyrics at the break points, but then I heard about how those fics were being deleted so I decided not to. Ah well, enjoy!

Disclaimer: Lily, James, Sirius, and Remus all belong to JKR. The world of Harry Potter belongs to her also. I only own Emmi, Kayla and the plot.

* * *

"Hey Lily!" James Potter said excitedly in the great hall during dinner time one day. He had been constantly trying to get her to date him since fifth year, but had recently discovered he should try to be friends with her first. Well, easier said than done. His sincere attempts of being friendly were met with nothing more than a cold-shoulder and glare. 

Lily Evans just rolled her eyes at the greeting and sent an annoyed glance at the black-haired, hazel-eyed boy. '_Ugh, why won't he leave me alone? Can't he take a hint?'_

James sighed. _'That's it. I told myself that if she didn't respond this time, it's over. I'm done. She obviously wants nothing to do with me, so I'll just grant her wish. I won't ever bother her again.'_

With that, James got up dejectedly, walked over to where Lily was sitting with her friends and said, "Lily, I'm sorry I ever talked to you. I know that you hate me. I promise you won't have to put up with me again."

Lily's expression changed from annoyance at him coming over, to confusion, and finally settling on bewilderment.

"I…um…I don't hate you?" she said, trying to come up with something to wipe the completely lost look on his face.

"Yes you do." James said, standing up and walking back over to where his friends were sitting.

Lily looked around at her friends in complete confusion. They were all staring back at her with identical surprised looks on their faces.

"Oh my god. What just happened?" Lily asked, her voice sounding distant even to herself.

"Lil! It's what you've dreamed of for the past two year! James has finally stopped bugging you! You can go on living your life in peace now!" her friend Kayla said.

"Yeah, I guess you're right. I don't have to worry about him following me or just popping up out of no where any more. I mean half the stress I had came from constantly yelling at him." Lily justified.

"Exactly! And now I'm sure you can have a boyfriend without worrying about James flipping out at the guy!" Lily's other friend, Emmi said.

"Yeah" Lily replied, not really listening to anything her friends were saying. "Look guys, I'm kinda full and tired, so I think I'm just gonna go to bed. I'll see you guys tomorrow."

"Ok, are you ok?" Kayla asked, concerned

"Yeah, I'm fine, just tired."

Lily walked back to her dorm almost in a dream-like state, not really paying attention to where she was going. '_What just happened? Did he really mean what he said? Does he really think I hate him?' _**'Of course he does, you prat. You've been nothing but bitchy to him since you first met him.' **_Yes, but I never **hated** him' _**'Well, you could have fooled me' **_'Oh god, what's wrong with me? I should be thrilled. No more Potter to worry about anymore! It's just the suddenness of it all that has got me in this funk.' _

When Lily stopped arguing with herself, she realized that she had reached her dormitory. She wasn't tired enough to go to bed, didn't feel like reading, and didn't have any homework left to do. After looking around her room a little, and thinking, she decided to take her sketchpad out and draw for a while.

She sat down on her bed, opened her book to a blank page and began drawing. She drew the Hogwarts grounds. She drew the beautiful lake, the large willow tree, the quidditch pitch, and the forest. As she finished up, she looked at the sketch and smiled. This place had become more of a home to her than her home in the muggle world.

Slowly, her mind began to wander as she flipped through her sketch-pad. It had been a gift from her mother at the beginning of fifth year, and now that she was starting her seventh year, it was almost filled.

She saw sketches of her friends, of her room, the night sky, a winter scene, and as she turned the pages, she came across a particular one that made her pause. Her heart gave an unpleasant lurch at the sight of it and she had no idea why. She remembered the day she drew this very clearly.

_**Flashback:**_

_Lily sat in the common room, in front of the glowing fire with her pencil in one hand, and mirror in the other. She had decided that since she sketched almost everything else, why not try doing a self-portrait? So she had sat down to try._

_Just as she had done the rough out line of her face and was beginning to define her features, a shadow fell across her page. She looked up and saw the face of James Potter, looking at her drawing and then at her face in confusion._

"_What, Potter?" Lily asked, annoyed_

"_Lily! What are you doing? That's not how you draw!" And before Lily could respond, he had proceeded to take the pencil out of her had, and began to draw a picture at the bottom of her page. _

_The picture consisted of a round face, two round eyes, a button nose, and a smile. He haphazardly drew long strands of hair and sloppy ears. _

_Lily looked on incredulously. _

"_Potter! What the bloody hell are you doing!" she demanded, snatching the pencil from his hand, causing him to make a dark like through his picture and some of hers. _

_He looked at her, smirked, and said "drawing, of course."_

_Lily just gave him a death glare, picked up her sketchpad, hit him over the head with it, and walked up to her dorm, absolutely fuming._

_She had never gotten to draw that self-portrait after that._

_**: End flashback:**_

That had been in the middle of sixth year, when James had been in his prime of annoying her to no end. Looking at the ruined sketch now, she felt an odd longing that unsettled her. What was causing her to feel this way?

She decided that it was just one of _those_ days and that everything would be fine in the morning. With that, Lily slid under the covers and fell into a peaceful sleep.

* * *

Over the next few weeks, however, Lily would realize that something had definitely changed. And it wasn't just that James' eyes had lost their sparkle. Nor was it just that the Marauders hadn't played a prank for a long time. It wasn't even the fact that whenever James talked to her, it was formal, brief, and for the most part, without any emotions. 

No, there was a bigger change, one that had Lily's mind reeling. She didn't quite understand it herself. All she knew was that she felt different. She was quieter than usual, and spent more time to herself. She felt more…grown-up, for lack of better words,

'_What is going on with me?_' she thought to herself at breakfast one morning at the end of October.

Before she could make any sense of herself, the doors to the great hall opened and in came the Gryffindor Quidditch team, ready for their first match today. James walked in first, with his broom in one hand and a big smile on his face.

Looking at him so happy brought Lily back to another morning, much like this one, about a year ago.

**Flashback:**

"Lily! Hey Lily!" James shouted over the crowds, trying to make his way to her in the great hall.

"Ugh, what Potter?" Lily asked

"Would you pet my broom stick?"

"What!" Lily asked, outraged. '_What is he thinking? What does he think I am?_'

"You know, for good luck." He explained, holding his Nimbus 1000 out to her. "Please?"

"What? No." Lily said, immediately. '_ok, so it's not what I thought. Thank Merlin for that._'

"Awww, come on Lily. Just one pat."

"Potter…ugh. No."

"Please? Pleeeaaseeee? If you pet it for me, I'm sure to play the best I have in all my years on the team. If you don't, I'll play the worst. You wouldn't want that, would you? You want Gryffindor to win as much as I do. Come on."

Lily looked around at her friends with a look crossed somewhere between bewilderment and annoyance.

"Aww come on Lils, just pet his broom stick." Kayla urged. "If he can come up with a reason as bad as that, then he's really desperate."

Lily glared at her 'friend.' "Damn you Kayla."

She turned to James who had a large smirk on his face. And with narrowed eyes, she reluctantly reached out her hand and gave it a quick pat.

"There, happy now?" Lily asked, the level of her annoyance and disgust apparent.

"Ecstatic. Thanks Lily dear. I'm off. You won't be disappointed. There's no way we're gonna lose today."

And with that, he turned and walked out of the great hall.

"Merlin he's so annoying!." Lily seethed.

**End Flashback**: 

"Lily…oi! Lily!" Emmi exclaimed trying to bring her friend back to earth.

"Wha…o hey guys. When'd you get here?"

"When you were sitting there stirring your oatmeal staring off into space" offered Kayla. "Are you ok? You've been acting weird for the past few weeks."

"Yeah. I'm…" but Lily never got to finish her sentence because at that moment, her eyes caught with James' eyes and everything seemed to stop. She couldn't hear anything, feel anything, or see anything except for those hazel orbs. His face had the remains of a smile that he had shared with his friends. But as soon as he looked at her, it seemed to slide off his face. He looked at her with an expression that Lily couldn't quite figure out. Was it regret? Sadness? Hope? Want? Love? She couldn't tell. He gave a small shrug, offered her the smallest smile and went back to taking with Sirius.

Lily blinked and looked around. Her friends were all looking at her with worried expressions. She didn't seem to notice. Something had just moved into place in her mind. Suddenly, it seemed that her heart and mind were able to understand each other.

"Oh my god." she whispered almost to herself. "I can't believe this is happening." She said, a little louder, looking at her friends with a startled expression. "I can't…this can't…o dear sweet Merlin. This is a joke isn't it? The Gods are punishing me aren't they?"

"Erm…what?" Emmi asked, still looking at Lily as though she would keel over right then and there.

Lily's head snapped up and she seemed to notice her friends for the first time.

"Oh god." she said. And with that, she got up and ran out of the great hall.

"What was _that_ about?" Kayla asked, staring at the doors of the hall.

"I have no idea." Emmi responded, thoughtfully. "But I think she's not telling us something."

"Think we should try and get it out of her?"

"Yeah, but let's give her a few minutes. We'll go after we finish breakfast. Hopefully she'll be ready to talk by then."

* * *

"James…James!" Sirius yelled, waving a hand in front of his best friends face. 

"What!" James exclaimed, turning his head from staring at the doors of the great hall to look at his friend

"Mate, you like totally spaced out there."

"Oh. Yeah. Sorry 'bout that. What were you saying?"

"Ok, ever since you've 'given up' on Evans, you've been totally messed up. I feel like I've lost my best mate! We don't ever do anything fun anymore!"

James sighed and ran a hand through his hair. " I know. It's just that I can't believe it's over. I mean I know there really was nothing there, but I guess I always thought there was a chance. But now, there isn't. I just…miss her. That's all."

"What, you miss her yelling at you and cursing you?" Sirius snorted.

"I dunno. I just…miss her. That's all. I'm sorry though. I'll try and be more 'there' from now on."

* * *

"_Oh my god. This **cannot** be happening. I can't believe that I let this happen. How could I be so weak? How could I let one person get this much of a hold on me? It's not right! This is absurd. Why do I miss his incessant teasing? Why do I feel incomplete when he doesn't talk to me? Why do I crave the look he used to give me? Merlin I must be going insane. I should be happy he doesn't really talk to me anymore…or smile that gorgeous smile at me…or…ok no…see that is what we're avoiding._' "Oh lord!" Lily exclaimed while flopping down on her bed with her hands covering her eyes. 

"Er…Lily?" Kayla asked, tentatively when Lily didn't move for a few minutes. Her and Emmi had arrived at the dorm in time to hear most of Lily's rant and understand just what was bothering her.

"Why? Why do I have to feel this way?" Lily asked, her voice sounding weak and lost.

"Oh, sweetheart." Kayla said sympathetically. She and Emmi made their way to Lily and put their arms around her. "It's going to be ok. I promise."

"No, no it's not" Lily wailed "How could I have let this happen? I'm supposed to be stronger than this. God I hate him. I hate how he can effect me like this."

"Sshhh. Honey, it's ok. Let it out." Emmi comforted. "We're always here for you."

"Thanks guys, but I think I'm just gonna take a short nap before the match. Save me a seat in the stands?"

"Of course we will. Try not to dwell too much. K?"

"k. Thanks guys."

Flopping down on her bed again, Lily tried to stop thinking about a certain black haired boy.

'_I hate him. I really and truly do. I hate that he can make me feel like this. I hate that I let myself feel this way. I hate that I feel like I have no control over anything anymore. I hate that I can't just forget him. I hate feeling incomplete without him in my life._

_I can't give my heart away yet. I don't want to. I'm only seventeen! I'm too young for this. I'm supposed to graduate and become a healer and help people. Falling in love is just not on the list…least of all with James Potter! No. Absolutely not. I won't let myself fall any further than I already have. These feelings have to stop now.'

* * *

_

"Please don't make me go!" whined Lily to her friends.

"Lil, you have to. It's your responsibility. The whole school is counting on you." Emmi reasoned.

"Nooo. I can't do it. I should be allowed one time to be irresponsible and completely selfish!"

"No. You're not and least of all today. Now get off you arse and go to your head meeting." Kayla scolded.

"But it's not even with the prefects this time! Me and James are gonna be alone! I have to spend hours alone with him! It's gonna be so awkward! We've barely spoken for 2 months! He hates me, and thinks I hate him, and I can't bare to be in the same room with him because I feel like breaking down completely!" Lily ranted.

"Ok, he doesn't hate you. In fact, I'm pretty sure he's still madly in love with you. And yes he thinks you hate him but only because you haven't made an effort to fix the misconception, and this could be the time to make things right! You can go there and be friendly and show him that you don't hate him and that you really do like him." Emmi said.

"I really do have to go, don't I?"

"Yes. Now go. Or you'll be late."

"Fine." Lily grumbled and reluctantly made her way to the head common room where they would be meeting.

Reaching the portrait hole, she took a deep breath and braced herself for the inevitable uncomfortable situation about to happen. _'Here goes nothing_.' She thought, and entered.

At first she thought he wasn't there. '_Maybe he decided not to come. Maybe he doesn't want this to happen as much as I don't. Maybe…'_

"Ah good. You're here. Can we start? I really have a lot of homework to finish." James said, moving into a sitting position from his previously lying down one on the couch.

"Er…sure." Lily said, avoiding eye contact and moving to sit across from him on one of the chairs.

"So what do we have to finalize today?" she asked, trying to keep her hands busy, anything to avoid looking at him.

"Well, we need to finish planning for the ball so that we can tell the prefects what they need to do."

"Ok." She replied, finally looking up. Suddenly, as she took in the view of the messy haired boy in front of her, her breath caught in her throat and she felt on the verge of tears. She wished for nothing more than to have the old James back that would piss her off to hell and back.

"Erm…well I suppose we can start with the menu for the evening. Is that ok?" he asked, while fidgeting with his necklace.

"Yeah, that's fine." Lily replied, absent-mindedly. She felt her mind wander back to the end of fifth year when she saw him do that simple motion.

**Flashback:**

"Kay! Come on! We're gonna be late for our O.W.L!" screamed Lily while running down the stairs into the Gryffindor common room. "We can't…AAAHHH! Bloody hell Potter! What in Merlin's name are you doing!" she screamed, when she ran into him while he had been standing at the foot of the stairs.

"Waiting for you of course."

"Why!"

"I have something for you." and with that, he took a piece of red yarn and began tying it around her neck.

"Bloody hell…Potter…what do you think you're doing. Stop this instant. Are you mad?" Lily ranted throughout his little charade.

"It's for good luck on your O.W.L.s. not that you need it…you're brilliant, but it couldn't hurt." Having said that, he left an utterly confused Lily standing at the bottom of the stairs, feeling the yarn.

She was startled out of her temporary paralysis when Emmi came hurtling into her.

"Oi! Lily! What are you doing just standing there! You were the one screaming that we were gonna be late! What's that around your neck?"

"Ugh. Potter was being his usual annoying self and decided to tie it around my neck for 'good luck'." She replied with a roll of her eyes. "Come on. Now we're really gonna be late."

"Wait, don't you want to cut it off first?"

"No, there aren't any scissors here and we're gonna be late."

"Ooo Lily wants to keep the yarn on because she secretly fancies Potter! How sweet!"

"Ew! I can't believe you would even think that! Fine. Get the scissors. I'm cutting it off just to prove you wrong." So she marched up the stairs, brought down a pair of scissors and cut the yarn in front of Kayla.

"Oooo so you're gonna keep it are you? And sleep with it under your pillow every night in hopes of having dreams of Mr. Potter?" Kayla teased as she saw Lily hastily stuff the cut piece of yarn in her pocket.

"Kayla!" Lily cried, exasperated. "Must you turn everything into something it's not!"

"But of course, Lily darling."

Lily didn't bother to answer her. Instead, she marched up to the trashcan and threw the piece of yarn in.

"Happy?"

"Very. But you're not gonna be when you see what time it is."

"Shit! Let's go! Ugh its all Potter's fault that we're gonna be late!"

**End Flashback**

"…Well those are just some ideas for the main course. Do you have ideas for desserts?" Lily came back to the present just in time to hear James ask her for her opinion.

"Well, I guess the usual would be fine. You know, a few cakes, and pastries."

"Yeah that sounds good. Ok. Next…we need to decide on music…"

* * *

"So, how was it?" Surely it couldn't have been as bad as you thought." Emmi asked, when Lily returned from her meeting with James. 

"You're right. It was so much worse. I can't believe it! I can never win with this guy. 2 months ago, I couldn't sit in the same room as him because I constantly wanted to kill him, and now I can't be in the same room as him because I have this unexplainable urge to just cry and apologize…for something, and for things to just go back to how they were before, only I wouldn't be a frigid bitch to him. My god I'm going out of my mind aren't I?"

"Nah, I think you just really like him. I think you've always liked him, you just never realized it. sometimes you have to lose something before you realize how much it means to you. And in this case, it looked as if James would never leave you alone, so you never gave it a second thought, but as soon as he left, you realized that not only had he found a way into your life, but also into your heart." Kayla said.

Lily groaned and fell back onto her bed. "Well what do I do now? I hate feeling like this."

"I guess you could go talk to him…" Emmi suggested tentatively.

"Yeah, and what would I say…sorry, I just realized I like you after I made your life hell?" she scoffed. "He'd probably decide to give me a taste of my own medicine and ignore me."

"I agree with Em. You should tell him how you feel. I'm totally positive he feels the same way." Kayla encouraged. "Wait…did you just admit to liking James?"

Shocked at this question, Lily sprang up into a sitting position, her eyes wide and mouth slightly open. Emmi and Kayla were regarding her with expressions of various degrees of amusement.

"I…Oh my god. I can't…When did this happen? I never said I liked him. I just said I missed the way he used to be! I don't like that he's always sulking now. And I miss the way –"

"You miss the way he used to smile at you and look at you and always pay attention to you and always put you first. You miss the way he used to make you laugh, no matter how reluctant you were, the way he – "

"Ok Emmi I get it! I miss all those things…but do I _like_ him like him? I mean, I never even thought about it before now." Lily said, staring out of the window onto the expansive Hogwarts grounds.

Suddenly, she had a vision. She and James were walking, hand in hand around the lake after classes one day…They were sitting under the large willow, his arm around her and her head on his shoulder…they were lying down on the grass curled up together…He leaned down and gave her a short, sweet, loving kiss on her lips that seemed to reach her soul.

She withdrew from the window, eyes wide, hardly breathing, her fingers touching to her lips as if she could feel that kiss.

"Oh Merlin. It's true! I do…but how…when…_what?"_ She looked around at her friends with an alarmed expression. " No. This can't be happening. I won't let it. Absolutely not."

"But why Lily! Why are you so scared?" Kayla exclaimed.

"I'm not scared. I just don't think it's a good idea. We would never last."

"How do you know? " Emmi asked.

"Because…we're too different."

"Oh give it up Lily. You're terrified, whether you admit it or not. You're scared that if you let him in a little bit further, then you can really fall for him. You're afraid of putting your heart into someone else's hands. And besides, it's not like you've never dated anyone before, so what's the big deal now?"

Lily stared a Kayla with wide eyes, trying to formulate an answer in her mind. Why was it such a big deal? Why couldn't James be like any other guy she had dated? Why was she so reluctant to even give him a chance? Why…Oh why did this have to happen to her?

"I don't know!" Moaned Lily, falling down on her bed again. "It's just…it's James! Nothing is ever 'normal' with James. He's not like any other guy. He's just…so different and so…James. Ugh. I'm not making any sense. I've lost my mind completely."

"I think I know the problem." Emmi began.

"Please enlighten us." Kayla prompted.

"Yes Please do. I want to know too." Lily replied.

"Well, the problem is that James _isn't_ like any of the other guys Lily has dated."

Emmi's explanation was met with two blank stares.

"Honestly! Are you two really that thick?"

"Hey, I'm stressed out. I have the right to be thick." Lily defended. "Now please explain."

"Fine. Now, there is one similarity in every relationship that Lily has ever been in. she has never been in love with the guy. And she knew that she would never fall in love with them either. They were relationships that had no future. They were safe relationships."

"I still don't get your point." Lily stated.

"I'm getting there. Now with James, it's different. He's not some random guy. He is someone you could fall in love with if you let yourself. And you know it's true. That's the problem. With James, you have so much more than a meaningless fling. You have a future. You have love. You have uncertainty. And you're scared of all those things."

"That's nonsense. I'm not scared of my future. I have it all planned out. I'm going into healer training, then I'm going to work at St. Mungo's and help people. See? I don't even have time for love, so how can I be scared of it?"

"Because no matter how planned out your life is, no matter how logical you are, love isn't something you plan. It just happens. And when it does, you can't do anything about it. It's completely out of your control. And you Lily Evans, hate not being able to control things, especially your own life."

"That's ridiculous! Of course I can control if I fall in love or not. If I'm beginning to fall in love, I'll just tell myself no, this can't happen and that'll be that!"

"Oh really? Is that how it is. Then tell me this Lily, how many times have you told yourself that you don't like James and that you won't have feelings for him anymore?"

"Er…lots?" Lily replied, not liking where this was going.

"Exactly. And has it worked yet?"

"No – " She replied meekly.

"Well then there you have it. You may have control over a lot of things in your life, even a lot of things in _our_ lives, but one thing you can't control and never will be able to is love. It has a mind of its own and doesn't ever listen to reason."

"I – oh, this is just bloody awful!" Lily exclaimed with an utterly helpless look on her face.

"Why? Why does it have to be awful! It could be the best thing that happened to you!" Kayla all but yelled in Lily's face.

"What are you talking about? This sucks. I'm in love with my arch enemy, and he thinks I hate him and I haven't talked to him for the past two months!"

"Well, you could change all that. If you just grow some and go bloody talk to him! I'm sure he's just as miserable as you are."

"Merlin, you don't have to be so…crude." Lily said

"The truth hurts, honey, and I've definitely said worse things."

"I know, but I'm exceptionally sensitive right now."

"So what are you going to do?" Emmi asked, effectively putting an end to another pointless argument between her friends.

"Well, I guess I could go talk to him…later."

"Oh no. If you're going to talk to him, it's going to be right now. You may be the master of planning, but you're the queen of procrastination when you want to be." Kayla said, pulling Lily to her feet and dragging her to the door.

"But I don't even know what I'm going to say to him!" she protested

"Make it up while you're trying to find him." Kayla insisted, opening the door and shoving Lily out.

"But I look like shit!" Lily said, trying to get back in to the safety of her bed.

"Here." Kayla said, performing a glamour charm. "You look fabulous. Now we'll see you later. Ok?" And before Lily could get in another word of protest, she closed the door and put a locking charm on.

Lily stared at the closed door for a few moments. Then, while silently cursing her friends, she turned and set out to find the one person she didn't want to see right now.

She went down the stairs and entered the common room. Looking around, she realized that she had no idea where to start looking. Setting her sights on the stairs that lead to the boys dormitory, she determinedly walked over and up them. She came to a stop in front of the door trying to prepare herself. She more or less knew what she wanted to say, now to just get up the nerves.

Taking a deep breath, she raised her hand up and knocked twice on the door. She heard some ruffling and the sound of someone coming to the door. Her heart seemed to be beating in her ears.

The door opened to reveal a very tired looking Remus. He looked at Lily in surprise.

"Lily! Er – did you need something?"

"Um…yes…well sort of. I – erm, I'm looking for James."

Remus' eyebrows shot up and were in danger of being hidden under his hair.

"James?"

"Yes. I…er…I needed to talk to him."

"James is not here right now, and it's good for him that he's not because I don't think he can handle you yelling at him anymore right now." Came the cold voice of Sirius from behind Remus.

Lily stared in shock at Sirius. They had never been friends, but he had always been civil towards her, even when she was yelling at James.

"Um…I – "

"You what, you forgot that you still had some things you hadn't yelled at him for? I mean, he's doing exactly what you wanted isn't he? Leaving you alone, so why can't you do the one thing that the wants and atleast be _civil_ towards him?"

"Sirius, shut up." Remus scolded.

"Sirius, I'm not – " Lily began.

"Not what? Not going to yell at him? Oh good, so you're just going to skip ahead to the cursing, are you? Well – "

"Sirius! Will you bloody shut up so I can explain!" Lily exploded.

Sirius narrowed his eyes, crossed his arms over his chest and gave a curt nod, telling her that he was listening.

"I – well I…" She trailed off, not really knowing where to start. "Can I come in? it's kind of weird saying this in the hall where anyone can hear."

Sirius stepped to the side and let her in, closing the door behind her.

Sirius and Remus stood looking at her, waiting for her to continue.

" I just – I wanted to tell him that I don't hate him. That I never have."

"You…_what?"_ Sirius asked, incredulously.

"I don't hate him…quite the opposite, actually." Lily said quietly, not looking at either boy.

"You…_what?"_ Sirius exclaimed again, completely dumbfounded.

Remus rolled his eyes at his friend and decided that Sirius was going to be no help in the matter.

"Lily, are you trying to say that not only do you not hate James, but you have…feelings for him?" Remus asked gently, also thoroughly shocked, but better at hiding it.

Lily exhaled and nodded her head slightly, still looking at her feet.

"Look at me." Remus ordered lightly.

Lily raised her head and defiantly looked Remus in the eye. She may have been scared witless, but she was telling the truth.

Seeing the look in her eye, Remus' face softened and he knew she wasn't lying. Sirius, on the other hand, would need further explanation.

"How – when – _what?"_ Sirius tried again.

Lily snorted, feeling slightly more at ease now. "Believe me Sirius, those were my thoughts exactly when I found out."

Sirius looked over at Remus who gave him a nod. He then turned back to Lily and gave her a smirk.

"So… you really like James huh? I knew you would come around."

Lily stared, shocked at the sudden change in mood.

"So you're ok with it?"

"Ok with it? _Ok with it?_ You're a bloody life saver! James has been _unbearable_ these past few months. I could kiss you right now, except I don't think I should be kissing my future sister-in-law."

Lily opened her mouth to protest, but Remus cut her off in time to stop the inevitable argument from starting.

"If you don't mind me asking Lily, when did you come to this wonderful conclusion?"

"I think I first realized something wasn't right at breakfast on the day of the first quidditch match. I didn't understand exactly what was wrong until earlier today actually. In fact, if it wasn't for Kay and Em, I don't think I would have ever understood. Anyway, now that you know, I think it's only fair that James know too, don't you think?"

"Yes that would be appropriate." Sirius said.

"Well do you know where he is, so I can tell him?" She asked, when he didn't offer any more information.

"Oh right. I think he's out flying. But if you go out there, I'm sure he'll talk to you."

"Right. Thanks guys. I'll see you later."

"Indeed you will. Bye Lily."

* * *

Out on the quidditch pitch, Lily pulled her cloak tighter around herself, trying to shield herself from the bitter November wind. She looked up at the sky and saw a small blur whizzing around the pitch. Not quite ready to face him yet, Lily decided to sit on the stands until she came up with the nerves to call out to him, or until he noticed her sitting there. 

She sat down and watched him fly around, sensing, rather than seeing the look of concentration on his face. Her stomach gave a slight jolt at the sight of him and she wondered exactly when it was that he had wormed his way into her heart.

It still amazed her that he had managed to gain control of her heart without her realizing, yet could never even get her to smile at him. She sighed and resigned herself to waiting for James to notice her.

* * *

James had lost track of how long he had been flying. It was something he did to take his mind of certain things. Lily to be exact. 

'_Good god Potter, it's been two bloody months. Get over her!'_ he thought, disgusted at himself for being so caught up. I mean, he was young and attractive. He could have any girl he wanted! '_That's not true. I only want Lily, and I can't have her.'_ He thought dejectedly to himself.

As he flew over the Gryffindor stands, he swore that he saw something red there. Lily. That was the first thing that came to mind. But then, after he thought about how absurd it would be for Lily to be sitting out on the quidditch stands on a Saturday afternoon in November by herself, he decided he was just seeing things. Yet when he turned around and looked again, he received the shock of his life when, indeed, there was Lily, looking out across the grounds.

'_What is she doing here? It's bloody freezing out! She'll get sick!'_ James thought as he descended his broom and approached Lily, his stomach doing flip-flops.

* * *

Lily jumped when she heard a soft thud come from somewhere in front of her. She looked and was momentarily paralyzed to see James walking towards her, broom in hand. His hair was wind swept, eyes shining, and cheeks slightly pink from the cold. 

'_oh god oh god oh god, I can't do this. This is a bad idea. I should never have listened to Kayla. Oh Merlin. Maybe if I get up and run, he'll think I was just a figment of his imagination.'_ **'_ Lily Evans, don't you dare try and get out of this. You have to do this and you will_.' **The voice inside her head said, sounding suspiciously like Kayla. She didn't have anymore time to panic, seeing as James was standing in front of her looking at her curiously.

"Er – Hi." _'good job Evans, couldn't come up with something more witty, could you?'_

"Hi – sorry, but what are you doing here?" James asked.

"I um, I came to talk to you."

"Talk to me?" he asked unbelievingly.

"Yes."

"I see. So why didn't you call me? I would have come down, and you wouldn't have had to wait here for so long in the cold."

Lily shrugged. "You looked like you were concentrating and I didn't feel like bothering you."

James raised one eyebrow skeptically. "Since when have you cared about how I feel?" '_Woah now Potter, where did this hostility come from?'_

Lily winced. He was not going to make this easy on her. "Well see – that's sort of what I needed to talk to you about."

"About why you hate me? Thanks, but I really don't want to know."

"Yes – no – I mean…ugh, will you just listen for a minute?"

"Why? You never listened to me for two years, so why should I listen to you?"

"Ok, I deserved that, but please James. I really need to talk to you."

James looked at her for a moment. "It's cold outside. You should get inside before you get sick." And with that said, he turned and began walking up to the castle, not turning back once to see if she was coming.

Lily stared at his back in shock. '_What the bloody hell just happened? Did I just get shot down by James Potter? Wow and I've been doing the same thing to him for the past two years. I'm a bitch.'_

Within a second, Lily's mind was made up. She was not giving up. If he was going to give her a taste of her own medicine, then she was going to do the same to him, only she wouldn't give up. She would keep at it until he agreed to listen to what she had to say.

Determinedly, she got up and ran after him. He had already reached the castle doors. '_Damn him and his long legs_.' Lily silently cursed as she all but sprinted up to the castle to try and catch up to him.

"James! James will you stop! Bloody hell! Stop!" Lily yelled, finally over taking him and stopping in front of him, causing him to skid to a halt to stop from running over her.

"Please move." He said coldly.

"No" Lily said, inwardly wincing at his tone. Nope, he definitely wouldn't make this easy on her.

"Move."

"No."

"Dammit Lily! I don't want to talk to you! What else could you have to say! What, did you forget to yell at me about something? Well here, I'll make it easy on you. I'm a bullying toerag, a prat who has no respect for others, a mindless – "

"James – "

" – Moron, a lazy arse, a – "

"_James!_ – "

" Disrespectful idiot, a – "

"_James_ will you shut up!" Lily shouted, effectively causing him to close his mouth and look at her.

"Look. I really need to talk to you. Please, just give me two minutes to explain." She pleaded.

"I have nothing to say to you, nor do I want to listen to anything you have to say."

"Merlin! Why are you being so difficult! All I'm asking is that you take two minutes out of your oh-so-busy-schedule and listen to one little – "

"Oh! So now I'm being difficult? God Lily, you spent the last two years cursing and yelling at me, and now that I finally let you free and stop talking to you, you've decided that you're bored and still want to insult me? No, I won't have it. I'm finished." He made to side- step Lily, but she was faster and got in his way.

"You're not going anywhere until you listen to what I have to say!"

"Yes I am." And he turned around and began walking away.

Lily, desperate to make him stop, yelled after him. "I'm sorry!"

He stopped but didn't turn around. Taking this as a positive thing, Lily began walking towards him slowly. She stopped a few feet behind him.

"I'm sorry." She repeated.

"Beg your pardon?" he asked, turning to face her.

She sighed and looked up at him, desperately fighting the tightening in her throat.

"I'm sorry. For everything. I'm sorry for always yelling at you, and being so horrible to you, and never trying to get to know you. I'm sorry for never giving you the benefit of the doubt, for always thinking so little of you, for never taking you seriously, for never believing you, and for just – being so awful to you all the time."

James was looking at her like he had never seen her before. '_Does she know what she's saying?'_

Lily was looking at him expectantly, waiting for him to say something, anything.

James, realizing that she was done with her rant, opened his mouth to say something and then closed it. After a moment, he opened it and began.

"And now you expect me to forgive you and say that everything is alright and let's start over again, don't you."

Whatever Lily had been expecting, that certainly wasn't it.

"Er – " She was completely lost for words.

"Well, I'm not going to say that Lily. I mean, what do you think I am? Some loser that's at your every beck and call? First you constantly give me the cold shoulder, so I leave you alone. Now you're sorry for never thinking of someone else's feelings and you want me to come back?" His voice was getting louder with every word and he was even surprising himself with all this pent up anger. "Well I'm not. I don't care if you're sorry. I'm not just going to allow you to – "

"Well it's not like I allowed you in my heart either!" Lily burst out, tired of listening to his nonsense. She had to make her point quick, before things got out of hand.

" to– _what did you just say?"_

"Yes. You with your crazy jokes that annoyed me to hell and back, your absolutely hopeless hair that made me want to pull out my own hair sometimes, you with your blatant disregard for the rules, but never crossing _that_ line, you with you're love for life, and loyalty to your friends, and infuriatingly adorable smile – " she took a deep breath " somehow, through the years of pranking and joking and laughing and hexing – somehow, you found a way into my heart."

James was stunned. He couldn't move, talk, he was even having a hard time breathing. '_I can't believe this.'_

"And I didn't even realize it until that day a few weeks ago in the great hall when I saw you before the quidditch match. And even then, I didn't know what was going on. I just knew that I missed you, and that whenever I saw you, something happened and – god, I'm not making any sense." She took another deep breath and tried to sort out her thoughts. What I'm trying to say, is that I took advantage of you. I took advantage of the attention you gave me and affection you showed me. And I didn't realize just how much it – you mean to me until I didn't have you anymore. And I don't particularly like that feeling so I was wondering if you would give me another chance."

James blinked, trying hard to process everything he had just learned.

"So let me get this straight. I start asking you out in fifth year. You hate me. I keep at it for two years. You still hate me. I constantly tell you how much I like you, you threaten me with many slow and painful deaths. Then, I give you what you want and leave you alone, and you realize that you have feelings for me."

"Yes. That just about sums it up." Lily said, thoroughly embarrassed about her out burst.

"I don't believe you."

"Excuse me?"

"You heard me, I don't believe you."

Lily was looking at him with a shocked expression.

"You don't – what!"

"I. Don't. believe. You. I mean, how do I know that you're not just getting revenge for all the times I annoyed you and this isn't just one big joke?"

"Because it's not." Lily said through gritted teeth.

"Oh, and I'm just supposed to believe that?"

Lily pinched the bridge her nose and screwed her eyes just. '_Merlin but guys can be so thick sometimes!_' She took a deep breath and exhaled slowly. He left her with no other option.

She opened her eyes and stared at him with a determined expression. She then grabbed his tie with one hand, put her other hand on the side of his face, brought him down to her level, and kissed him.

Right there in the middle of the hallway, Lily Evans kissed James Potter.

Lily pulled away first, and released James. "Oh Merlin. I can't believe I just did that." she breathed.

Looking up at James, she would have burst out laughing if she hadn't been so shocked at herself. James eyes were wide and his mouth was opening and closing, causing him to look like a stranded fish.

"Well, that was the best proof I could offer you. If you still don't believe me, then I guess – " but she never got to finish as her mouth was caught by James' mouth. Her hands immediately went to his hair as she fell into the kiss.

Suddenly, she wasn't scared anymore. She knew there would be uncertainties, and doubts, but she could handle them as long as James was with her. Just standing there kissing him, it felt as if she had found her other half. His hands seemed to be made to rest at her waist and their bodies fit together like puzzle pieces.

James pulled back from the kiss but kept her close. He leaned down and touched his forehead to hers. "Merlin I never thought that out of the two of us, _you_ would be the first to kiss _me_."

Lily pulled back completely and took a step away. She raised an eyebrow. "Yeah? Well do you have a problem with that?"

James shook his head slowly. "Nope, as long as I get to kiss you whenever I want now, I really don't care who started it."

"So I guess that means you believe me now? I mean, you don't still think this is all one big joke, do you?"

"Is it?" James asked, stepping closer

Lily shrugged her shoulders "Never know. Could be." She said with a coy smile.

"Well then, it looks like I'm gonna need some more convincing."

"That can certainly be arranged." And she stepped up and leaned in for another kiss. His hands coming to rest at her waist, and her hands sliding into his hair to deepen the kiss. Both of them pulling back only when breathing became necessary.

"Well, I can truthfully say that I am convinced. I just have one question."

"What?"

"Lily, will you go out with me?"

She smiled a blinding smile up at him, her eyes showing her happiness. "Yes James. I would love to go out with you."

**-And the rest is history-

* * *

**

A/N: the end! Yes, yesI know. It's all pointless fluff. But whatcan i say, i'mreally just a hopeless romantic deep down.Well, leave a review!I would love to get feedback. And who knows, maybe I'll add a few more chapters. I'm not making any promises though. I'm still working on my other story, so that comes first. Anyway, I hope you enjoyed it.

Review!

Xoxoxo

Deppfan105


End file.
